Ghosting Happens: Nobody Owes You Their Energy

 Ghosting is when someone suddenly ends contact with you without explanation or warning. It happens under a lot of different circumstances and in a variety of relationship dynamics, and is most often talked about in regards to friendship and romance. It can definitely spark feelings of confusion along with other emotions, but that's to be expected when experiencing any form of rejection. And that is what ghosting is: A type of rejection. So why do so many people consider this common phenomenon to be morally wrong or indicative that someone is a so-called "bad" person?

Why were you ghosted?

Individual reasons for ghosting vary all across the board, but there are some generally accepted reasons that apply to various dating and "friend-group" situations. For example, a person might ghost someone because they are conflict-avoidant, and feel that ghosting is the path of least resistance. They might also feel that they're protecting the other person's feelings by ghosting them, instead of directly telling them that they're no longer interested in pursuing a friendship or romantic partnership. A person might ghost someone because they lack the emotional maturity to communicate problems in their relationship, or the mental tools necessary to communicate adequately.

In this era of convenience dating where finding someone to talk to is as easy as a swipe on an app, ghosting is commonplace. In many scenarios, the person doing the ghosting isn't even intentionally ghosting anyone at all. They're just matching with people and chatting their way to Mr. or Mrs. Right -- or at the least, someone for the night. So if you matched with someone on Tinder and chatted for a day before they stopped responding, did they really ghost you, or did they just find someone else to give their time and energy in a sea of convenient matches?

Ghosting might also be a difficult choice that isn't always fueled by the shortcomings of the person doing the ghosting. It's a tough pill to swallow, but some people make it difficult to end things amicably or even cleanly, and ghosting might be the only logical solution. People with nervous attachment issues and people who have a hard time with rejection might make it difficult for someone to make a "clean break" from the relationship or friendship. 

It's also possible you're being ghosted because you're part of a friend group that doesn't suit the person anymore. This notably happens in situations where a person is getting clean from drug and alcohol abuse, and they choose to distance themselves from friend groups that still engage in these harmful behaviors. To some people, ghosting former friend groups is the only way they'll kick these habits and survive. In the least extreme scenarios, a friend group might be ghosted merely because people sometimes just grow apart.

Nobody owes you their energy

As much as we'd all like closure and answers behind every time we've been wronged, life just doesn't work that way. Nobody is required to give us an explanation for their actions, and that is especially true with situations that involve ghosting or going no-contact with someone. As outlined above, a person could have a multitude of reasons for ghosting another person or group of people, and just like nobody is entitled to that person's time, they aren't entitled to their energy. That includes an explanation for why they're being ghosted -- because an explanation often leaves open the opportunity for further discussion, and doing so just eliminates the whole point of ghosting and going no-contact. 

How to cope with being ghosted

You might be tempted to flood someone's inbox with messages or call them repeatedly to get to the bottom of why they've ghosted you, but none of this is a good idea. After all, if the person wanted to continue contact with you, they wouldn't have ghosted you in the first place. If the person wanted to have that conversation with you, they'd have answered any of your messages or calls before you've gone long enough to realize you've been ghosted. Regardless of how you might feel about the situation, you can't force someone to have contact with you and you can't force them to acknowledge you. Trying to do so could be considered harassment, and at the very least it's not a very stable look. 

This is especially true in situations when a talking stage or flirtationship has run its course. Repeatedly reaching out to someone who has lost romantic or even platonic feelings for you will only serve to to make the other person feel like they've made the right choice in cutting contact.

The only way you can really cope with being ghosted is by moving on and cutting contact from your end as well. At the very least, this person has shown you that you're not important to them, and you shouldn't put yourself in a position where you're begging for attention from someone who has already shown you that they don't care about you. For the sake of your own mental health, it's important to treat a ghosting situation as a blessing.