Yes, Children Can Be Abusive: Nanny Quits Job After Encounter with Violent Child

Can children be abusive? The short answer to this question is yes. Not everyone agrees with this fact, however, which has been shown through the overall reaction to a viral story involving a young nanny who just quit her job. The young woman reportedly stopped working for a family after an encounter with their child turned violent and left her shaken-up. While some in the public are reacting with laughter and snarky comments about the way this nanny handled the difficult situation, others are expressing downright dangerous sentiment that excuses potentially abusive behavior displayed by children. In fact, the apparent number of parents who are okay with their children displaying violent behavior is frightening.

The Daily Dot recently covered the story of a young woman who had been working as a nanny for a family with a young boy. Even though the age of the boy hasn’t been clarified, the young nanny has explained that the incident took place when the child was “home from school,” implying he was at least older than toddler-aged. According to the young woman, the child became violent with her when she took away a tablet he was using — which he was only allowed to use for a specific amount of time in the day. The woman said the boy punched her several times and then “b*tch slapped” her over the course of the violent incident. The situation was reportedly so intense that it left the nanny traumatized and disturbed, which caused her to pack up her belongings and leave the home. Reactions to the story have varied, with some people supporting the young woman for quitting her job and separating herself from the abusive child. On the other hand, others are claiming that it’s “normal” for children to become violent, and that this young woman simply couldn’t handle the job.

Violence is never “normal” or “okay”

While it’s true that toddlers may become aggressive while learning to control their feelings, this is behavior that is supposed to be corrected so that it doesn’t continue throughout their childhood, into adulthood. It is not normal or okay for a child to be habitually violent or aggressive, nor is it normal or okay for a parent to permit it or ignore it. Furthermore, this isn’t behavior that just goes away on its own in every child.

The CDC explains that it is recommended for parents to “ignore” their young toddlers when they’re misbehaving in ways that are typical to toddlers. These typical behaviors include whining for no reason, throwing crying tantrums and yelling or screaming. These are typical attention-seeking behaviors, so the proper remedy is to ignore the child when he or she behaves in the aforementioned manners. However, there are behaviors which are not acceptable in young children, and according to the CDC, parents should not ignore them. Those behaviors include being aggressive and violent toward others or behaving in a manner that inflicts harm on his or herself. Again, it’s normal for a young child to struggle with their “big feelings,” but it is not normal for a child to violently assault someone by raining down punches and “b*tch slapping” them.

While all of these facts focus on toddler children, it’s important to reiterate that the child in the aforementioned viral story is apparently older than a toddler — and his violent behavior is all the more problematic because of this. What’s more troubling is that the nanny in the viral story reportedly never told the child’s parents why she was no longer working for them, which implies that she never told them of the assault she suffered at the hands of their child. If this is the case, then the parents of the child are being robbed of the opportunity to correct the behavior and prevent it from happening to someone else.

Abuse is abuse

Abuse doesn’t stop being abuse simply because the perpetrator is a child. And abuse doesn’t cease being abuse just because someone is struggling with their emotions or having a hard time communicating without aggression. Furthermore, emotional and mental abuse can also be perpetrated by children — and should never be ignored and permitted. If your child is exhibiting aggressive, violent or mentally abusive behaviors toward you or others this needs to be handled immediately in order to prevent it from becoming a bigger problem in the future.

This source outlines some of the ways children can be abusive — as well as how parents tend to permit, ignore and enable the potentially dangerous behaviors. Sadly, there are parents who are victims of their own abusive children without even realizing it, and therefore they’re contributing to the cultivation of someone who will almost certainly become abusive to other people outside of their family. One way that parents tend to cultivate this abusive behavior is by ignoring their child when they become violent with them. Being submissive and allowing your child to hit you creates a dynamic in which the child believes that it is okay to use violence on another person. To clarify, it’s one thing for a very young child to act-out physically while struggling with their feelings. It’s an entirely different thing for this behavior to be ignored until the child uses violence as a tool to get what they want or react to being told “no.”