Hold the Parents Accountable: When Bullying Goes Ignored, What Should You Do?

More bullying incidents are in the news this week — with one California child being put in the hospital after her bullies allegedly beat her up at Columbia Middle School. The teenage girl has been suspended due to the so-called zero-tolerance-policy in the school district, even though her mother says that she is the victim in this situation — and has been a victim of bullying both on and off campus for some time.

ABC News 7 reports that 13-year-old Lauryn was beaten so badly that she was left “battered and bruised.” The teenager, who resides in the California city of Adelanto, had to seek medical care at an area hospital after the incident that took place last week. The fight was captured on video, which went somewhat viral at the time, and resulted in the suspensions of several students — 13-year-old Lauryn, included. The California teen’s mom says that her daughter has been cyberbullied by the students who jumped her at school last week, and that nothing has really been done to stop the bullying. She also added that the cyberbullying has continued following the schoolyard brawl and subsequent suspensions.

Lauryn, whose last name isn’t being shared in reports, says that she doesn’t want to go to school anymore due to the bullying she’s been experiencing at Columbia Middle School. Meanwhile the principal of the school says that the administration does everything they can in bullying situations.

“We are constantly telling our parents if your student feels if they are being bullied in person or cyberbullyied, immediately let us know. We have counselors on campus,” said Columbia Middle School Principal Richard Upshaw.

Every public school principal or staff often makes the same claims: That they do everything they can to curb bullying, but they simply offer counseling. However, if this was entirely true of Columbia Middle School, then the mother of the California girl in this case probably wouldn’t have felt the need to go to the media. Furthermore, what does counseling do for you when you are being harassed daily, and then violently assaulted by your bullies? What does talking to a counselor solve for someone who is being violently targeted to the point that they fear returning to school? Counseling does nothing to stop the bullying. It’s just a band-aid offered by public school systems who don’t want to be held responsible for the actions of the students in their care. That’s why the victims of bullying, such as Lauryn in this most recent case, end up suspended as part of zero-tolerance policies. There are no truly efficient solutions in place that actually prevent the bullying or protect potential victims.

Hold the parents accountable: What you can do if your child is being bullied

Schools can only do so much to help you — and keep in mind that they also have to deal with the parents of these bullies, which oftentimes gets them nowhere. On one hand they might have the parent of a victim demanding that they do something about the situation, and on the other hand they may have the parents of said bullies heatedly claiming otherwise. These situations can seriously leave hands tied when it comes to making any kind of progress. Sometimes all that can be done is offering counseling to students while expelling the students who engage in this awful behavior. Furthermore, the public school system in the U.S. is very much a government operation — and everyone knows government entities aren’t exactly efficient or good at personalizing solutions according to the needs of individuals.

If you find yourself in this unfortunate situation, and feel that nothing is being done to stop bullying against your child, the most effective thing you can do is focus on holding the parents of your child’s bullies accountable. At the end of the day, whether they want to agree or not, the parents of your child’s bullies are absolutely responsible for their children’s behavior — and if the school your children attends cannot or does not do anything to stop it, then the parents of the bullies should be held liable. And guess what: Parents absolutely can be held civilly and criminally liable in cases of bullying.

Here’s what you can do:

• Document everything. Keep a journal or calendar of every incident that takes place between your child and their bullies. Be thorough and document the exact dates and times if you’re able to do so. Instruct your child to do the same.
• Record incidents if necessary. If you’re able to film or record audio of these incidents, save them. If the bullying is done via the internet or other communication devices, keep the screenshots. Screenshot everything. Instruct your child to do the same.
• Stay on top of the school administration. Call and arrange in-person meetings with the school administration (principals or teachers) each time a bullying incident takes place. Provide the school administration with copies of any evidence you have saved that proves your child is the victim of bullying. Never give up your copies, and make multiple copies if necessary. If you’re busy and have a packed schedule, then try to make at least one in-person conference with your child’s principal to discuss the bullying, and demand to know what is going to be done about it. Record anything that you’re told, using an audio recording device if necessary — or request that the school administration print and sign a statement declaring that they will meet with the bully’s parents and discuss the situation with them. Note: Public schools are government property, and therefore you are legally within your rights as a citizen to record any interaction you have with a faculty member. However, you should be aware of whether or not your state is a one-party-consent state or a multi-party consent state. In other words, you might have to notify the teacher or principal that you’re recording them beforehand. If you’re not comfortable recording during the conference, then take notes.
• Talk to the bully’s parents. If your child knows their bully’s name, then you can find out their parents’ names and how to contact them rather easily. Once you’re able to contact these parents, gently and kindly let them know about the situation. Keep in mind that the parents may not even be aware of their child’s behavior while at school — or their child might be telling them a completely different story. Let them know what’s going on, and notify them of any evidence you might have to prove that your child is being victimized. Do not talk aggressively or use accusatory language when making contact with the parents of your child’s bully, and record any interaction you have with them. Keep in mind, again, that you might have to notify the parents that they’re being recorded. Otherwise, take notes.
• Arrange at least one mediated meeting with the parents of your child’s bully. Request that your child’s school arrange a mediated parent-teacher conference with you and the parents of your child’s bully to try to come to a solution. Having the school principal or counselor(s) present gives all responsible parties the opportunity to address the situation fairly. It also gives you the opportunity to record or document any possible resolutions discussed in the conference. Most level-headed, decent people are willing to do what they can to stop their children’s harmful behaviors, and a mediated conference at the school is a good way to encourage your child’s bully’s parents to do just that.

In most cases of general school bullying, the due diligence of the victims’ parents can help resolve things relatively quickly. After all, as stated before, decent people do what they can to stop their children from victimizing others. However, there are,sadly, situations where the parents of the bullies in question are either uninterested in getting involved, or they’re simply as bad as their kids. What do you do when all of your efforts get you nowhere?

• Call the police. Make a police report anytime your child is harassed or assaulted by their bully. Obtain and save copies of every police report you file. Multiple states now have laws that protect child victims of bullying, and you should absolutely take advantage of that as a parent. If the parents of your child’s bully don’t want to do anything to stop the bullying, they might think twice if police are showing up at their front door every time it happens.
• Save and forward medical bills. If your child has been assaulted by their bully and required any kind of medical attention, forward the bills to the parents of the bully and request that they pay the bill. If disinterested and inattentive parents don’t want to put in the work to stop the bullying, they might change their minds when they realize it could affect their pocketbooks.
• Ask an attorney to write the parents a letter. An expertly worded letter on an attorney’s letterhead might get your point across if the parents of your bully aren’t showing any interest in stopping the situation. This differs from actually hiring an attorney or initiating a lawsuit, in that you’re not actually hiring the attorney to represent you, nor are you “suing” the parents (yet). However, the wording from an attorney requesting that the parents do something about their child(ren) sends the message to them that you, as the parent, have done all you’re willing to do, and the next step might force them into a courtroom.
• File a civil lawsuit. If all else fails, and the parents of your child’s bully are absolutely not doing anything to fix the situation from their end, you might need to file a lawsuit against them. Depending on your state, you can sue the parents of your child’s bully in the same manner that one can sue a supermarket for neglecting their wet floors. If the parents have been made aware of their child’s behavior and have done nothing to prevent their child from inflicting continuous damage on another person or their possessions, then they can be held liable in civil court — and even criminal court depending on the severity of the situation. For example: If your child has been relentlessly harassed by their bully, and the parents have been made aware of it multiple times without making any effort to stop the bullying, you could potentially sue them for negligence and demand to be reimbursed through the legal process. Bring up any medical bills, missed work that resulted from the situation, etc while doing so. The emotional suffering of your child must also be brought into consideration with the damages you seek from the parents of their bully.

At the end of the day you can only rely on yourself to make sure your kids are being advocated for and protected properly, and that means taking the time and initiative that school faculty and others might not be willing to do for you. That is especially when zero-tolerance policies and piddly offerings of counseling seem to negatively affect the victims of bullying moreso than perpetrators.